The diary of Pansy Parkinson
by Apumpkin
Summary: Pansy and Hermione are friends, Draco on the other hand is not so much of a friend. This is the story about Pansys life. R&R please obs. i'm not too sure about the rating think it should have been 15 instead but since they don't have 15.....
1. Disclaimer

****

I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT FOR THE PLOT OR WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.

DO NOT SUE ME.


	2. Default Chapter

16.12.02

Dear Diary 

I can't believe it's almost Christmas, not that there is anything to look forward to.

Yesterday Draco came over to me saying he had something important to tell me as the fool I'm suppose to be I of course had to leave my friend Hermione (damn never thought I'd ever write that but it's actually true) in the library where she was helping me with the transfiguration homework.

I knew what Draco wanted, I know what he always wants when he comes over to me like that, a fast shag of coarse and who am I to say no?

I'm Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy's little slut, just like my mom was Lucius's she never told me, though I figured that out on my own, it was only later on she hocked up with my dad, not that that was any better.

Draco tok me out of the library and into a secret passage he had *showed* me some times before and he started his usual business, I knew I had to pretend to like it, I always have to but now I really didn't care what happened if I didn't.

When I came back to the library Hermione was sitting together with Ron and Harry, it's kinda wired, they have actually learnt to accept me.

I dumped down in the seat next to Hermione she gave me that kind of look, you know the one saying *why did you let him do that?* I just shrugged, even though she knew about how it was with Draco and me she would never really understand it, hell I didn't really understand it my self. 

So I just kept quiet for the rest of the time in the libraray.

I don't know why I'm telling you this, maybe because I'm so sick and tired of Draco, I used to like, well actually love, him in the beginning but then I came to realise that he didn't love me and I gave up that dream.

I don't know what I'll do the next time he askes me to *talk* to him again may be I'll let him have me, just sell him my soul…..

Wait you know what screw that, I'm better than that, the next time I'll fight and who knows I might even live to tell about it.

Good night and lotsa love 

Pansy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. 17 and 18 of december 2002

17.12.02

Well so much for standing up against him, I said no in the beginning but then he got mad, and believe me, you do NOT want to see him mad.

Here I'll write down a short skit of how it went:

__

"hmm Pansy, can I talk to you for a bit?" Draco said in his usually demanding voice.

"nope sorry, I'm busy helping Hermione with something" I said not even looking up from the book I was reading.

"Pansy c'mon we really need to talk" he said again now gritting his teeth.

"can't you see I'm busy" this made Hermione look up from her book at the other side of the library table, she gave me a look which said *are you alright?* I just nodded my head, that was something I shouldn't have done.

Draco saw me and he was like "Granger, go be a irritating mudblood somewhere else"

"No Herm just stay" I said as Hermione was about to close her book and stand up.

"Pansy come with me NOW" now he was really mad so I thought it best just to go with him, though I had to pay, nothing I couldn't handle just him slapping me around a bit and being VERY harsh on my privet parts I'll be sore for a couple of days but like I said, Nothing I couldn't handle right?!?

Hmm you know, I think I know what I wanna do better next year, I wanna learn self-defence. You know karate and boxing that kind of stuff.

You know when I think about it, I think Ginny Weasley has a black or brown belt, I could always ask for her help, Yeah that might actually work.

WOW, DRACO'S GONNE GET HIS BUT KICKED

HE'S GOING DOWN

DOWN TO THE GROUND

JIPPI.

Well enough excitement for today.

Lotsa LUV

~P*A*N*S*Y~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

18.12.02

guess what? There are three great things that have happened to day.

Ginny is willing to teach me some trixs in marshal arts. Draco is going home for the Christmas holyday. Terance Higgs (that guy in Rawenclaw) has asked me out. 

i don't think he's actually in Ravenclaw, but just pretend he is alright?

Aren't all of these things great, well I think so.

Oh I cant write anymore Draco's here, god I can't wait for the day ican just say no to him and if he doesn't leave me alone I can kick his ass, WOW.

Girl Power I tell ya!!

Lotsa Luv

Pansy


	4. 201202

20.12.02

Hi again.

Well today went Draco free and Ternace asked me to Hogsmeade on Saturday as our date.

Well anyways I was lying awake last night and I came to think of how damn much my life has changed, you know since I started hanging out with Herm, I'm more independent, I'm no longer Draco's little slut, and hey guess what, my marks are going up and I owe it all to Herm.

I think I'm gonna get her something while I'm in Hogsmeade just to find out what she wants, it can't be a book, that's to normal, it has to be something special, something she has wanted for a long time.

I got it, I'm gonna give her a stone, a truth stone I think you know those kind of stones that tell the truth.

Now only to get the money, no problem when I think about it me and Draco are still talking and hey he's loaded.

Great, now I only need to talk to Ginny and ask her when she can start teaching me some tricks.

Gotta sleep.

Lotsa Luv

*$* Pansy *$*


	5. Authors note

To all of you that don't know this.

The diary of Pansy Parkinson is just something I write when I have time, in class, at night, when I'm bored and of coarse when I have time.

And I don't have to much time since I'm playing soccer, singing in the school choir, and I'm a member of Special Olympics plus I'm trying to write my own book.

With all that (it doesn't sound like to much when I write it down) including one (or two) other fic(s) please live with me.

And if I keep writing like this I will get so tired of her I will in the end kill her, and I really do not want.

Okay thank you can, sorry if you won't.

~*~Scorpiogurl~*~


	6. 23 of december 2002

23.12.02

Hellu.

Well guess what, the date went great and Draco still hasn't got the faintest clue so basically I'm safe.

I haven't seen him for the last couple of days and to tell you the truth that kind of worries me you know with Voldemort being so quiet and all wonder what they are planning, though I'm not so sure I want to know.

The pressure from my parents to become a Death Eather is becoming stronger and stronger, they sent me a letter today that I would either be a Death Eather or they would disown me.

It's not like I don't want to get rid of the, quite the contrary but they're still my parent's and I know my mom loves me and of course I love her and I can bet all my blond hair that my mom doesn't want to disown me, that it's only my dad who's forcing her in some sort of way.

Well I me and Ginny started our practise today, we started slowly with some breathing exorcises, you know just to get in touch with y self and relax.

Then she started by showing me where it hurts to be kicked, pressed or hit.

It's actually pretty cool to know that I can make Draco fall to his knees just by pressing in this place in his shoulders, it actually really hurts (I should know, Ginny showed it to me by trying it on me).

Oh you'll never guess what I bought for Hermione, it was this really beautiful pendant that tells here when ever something bad is about to happen to her or to any of the people she has chosen to "put" into it.

It's blue and in the middle it's this kind of grey spiral smoke kind of thing, when something bad is about to happen to her or any of the people it glows a different colour.

She's purple, Harry's green, Ron's red, Ginny's orange, her mom's white, her dad's olive and can you believe she put me in the pendant I'm black though, not that I mind I like the colour it is soothing.

Well I gotta sleep now.

~*~ Pansy ~*~ 


	7. 24 of decemeber 2002

24.12.02

Ho, ho, ho.

Or what ever those muggles say.

To day it'd Christmas and I'm as happy as ever, which is strange because I never really liked it.

Guess that's all changed now, a Christmas at Hogwarts is A LOT better than one of fathers Death Eather parties where all the men just end up getting drunk in the end, and if Draco's there I just end up being his or one of his friends 'play mate'.

So to say it mildly a Christmas at Hogwarts is MUCH better.

Another difference is that I actually have friends to give and get presents from.

At around 9 in the morning I woke up, Hermione and I had plans to meet in the hall and then from there walk up to Gryffindor tower to open my presents together with them.

I met her and Terrance there in the hall, Hermione went and woke him up and the three of us headed up to the Gryffindor tower.

I got:

A lovely pendant from Terrance which lights up when somebody I love is close, so it keep shining the entire time I was in the Gryffindor tower.

I got a whole bunch of joke things from Fred and George's joke shop, they're really great think I'm gonna use them on Draco.

From Ginny I got something that I needed above almost anything else a couple of books on self control, you know, so that I don't go all crazy on Draco when I have a chance to kill him you know the Aurors have to identify the body after I'm finished with him.

From Hermione I got a book on how to manipulate people and potions, it's really great because I can now manipulate people to do what ever I want.

And from Harry I got muggle sweets I have to admit, they're actually REALLY god especially the Jawbreakers.

After opening all the presents we went down to eat breakfast and since there were so few people at school Dumbledore had put the Slytherin, Gryffindor and the Rawenclaw tables up against the wall.

It was really nice because I could sit together with all my friends so this

Has by far been the best Christmas in my life.

Oh shit somebody's at the door.

Oh my god...........

(No I won't leave you here, though I could)

Holy fuck, I'm still shaking even though it's been hours since the little incident.

The last thin I wrote was that somebody came into the room and believe me you'll never guess who it was.

It was Mother, and believe me she wasn't happy.

She pulled me out of bed and pulled me out of Slytherin, trough the dungeons, up to the hall and out.

She basically threw me into the carriage and then just as we were about to head home Dumbledore came out and stopped the carriage he ripped the door open and I promise you, I have NEVER seen him this mad, not that I've ever seen him mad, but still it was scary.

Dumbledore pulled me gently out of the carriage then the yelled some inappropriate words, even for me, and then he sent the carriage away with some spell.

All this is totally true I swear on Merlin's empty grave.

Oh my god, I'm so tired now so I think I'm gonna go to bed but believe me, you'll hear more of this later. 

Lots of love 

A very scared Pansy


	8. 3 of January 2003

3.1.2003

Sorry I haven't written anything in a long time, I guess I've just been rather messed up since the little incident with mother on Christmas.

You know how I used to deal with stuff, well looks like I'm back to old habits.

The knife is back in my drawer and I now have scars up over my legs and arms, I'm telling you, without that scalpel I would have ended up committing suicide long time ago.

At this point my biggest problem is that, Hermione saw most of the scars on my arm, I told her that I fell in a thorn bush, but she didn't believe me.

So guess who ended up spilling out everything crying and screaming like some girly bimbo, all things point to moi.

****

But the ting that surprises me the most is that it helped.

It helped so fucking much I can't even describe it, finally I have someone that I can trust and that trusts me and that cares about me, noting of that phoney stuff, I mean she really cares.

Finally I know what real friendship is and I love it, though I have to admit it hurts as hell if you don't watch out.

I would do anything for Hermione and I just hope se feels the same way about me....

Hermione never told Terance about it, thank the lord, I really want to tell him because I love him and I know he loves me too, but I'm afraid it will make him think I'm some kind of nervous wreck, a freak that shouldn't be in public, just another fucked up Slytherin.......

I talked to Dumbledore yesterday about the whole incident with _Mother_, he said she'd come to fetch me because of, one: I was spending to much time together with those _mudbloods, Gryffindors and trash_.  
the second reason was that I was called on by Lucius Malfoy.

He thinks it's time for me and Draco to met the _dark lord_, in addition to that I think he's thinking about an arranged marriage, lord, lets hope not.

Now I finally understand why Harry admires Dumbledore so much, can you believe it he promised that he would rather give up his position as headmaster than to let one of his students walk into the arms of Voldemort without a fight.

For the first time in a long time I feel loved and I'm loving and at this point there is nothing that would make me give up on life, because mine's looking brighter.

~*~Pansy~*~

P.s. Terance is still very sweet, he's planing on taking me on a picnic the someday, though i hope it's no time soon January is freezing..


End file.
